Self, help!
"Hack your brain! Smack your brain! Fuck your brain and then shoot it into the sun!"
It is a Sunday afternoon and I am browsing YouTube. With every scrolling movement of my finger precious seconds of my weekend are trickling away.
The algorithm smells my fear and throws self help videos at me. I am a sad-sad man having daydreams about a hobby, a side hustle, a project, a career change.
"10 tips to built habits through screaming at pigeons in the park"
I yield, I click on one of the video. It is not even some grifter trying to sell you vitamins or some 500 dollar course about planking and slopcoins. It is a generally nice person trying to give you legit life advice. To help you.
I watch the video and I try to synthesize the information. Each one of my brain cells are fuming from concentration. You will think I am being sarcastic here, but I am not. This is an accurate description of a real event.
The video is over. I like and subscribe out of sheer gratitude. Thank you, YouTube man!
"Inject dopamine directly into you frontal lobe"
Life is still fucking difficult. I hop in front of the ol' 'puter and try forming a habit. This is not a drill. Let's do it.
Nothing overwhelming, just 15 minutes of coding. This is how you change your life. (Allegedly)
I am done, and I feel like human garbage. This was not in the video.
I google in a panic if life hacks really work. I get an AI summary: they do but it depends.
[Interjection: There are people screaming under my window, I envy their vigor, their Lebenskraft. I wish I was screaming. I suffer in silence.]
I don't want to accept myself. I told my wife. I told my therapist. I even told my dog. First two gently disagreed, the dog was indifferent.
I do want to hack my brain to be a dopamine fueled productivity machine. Is it all about just capitalism? It is. But it is what it is, and I want to win.
"Do this every day for 10 minutes to die anyway"
I am pretty sure there is a solution to this issue somewhere, I just need to be persistent. I will find the right combination of self help videos, and oh boy, I will make it.bbtelex.b You will hear about me in the news. Like in a positive way.
Local man did it.